Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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