dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
