Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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