Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
