There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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