It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
