Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
