If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
