I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
home. puking in laundry basket.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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