take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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