Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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