my room smells like sperm. sweet.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
