I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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