That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
