Banned from zoo.
Again?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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