Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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