Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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