I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize