I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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