don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Even my vagina gasped.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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