he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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