Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
