I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
