I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
