I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
