Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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