Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
