Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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