Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
