do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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