As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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