Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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