Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
