I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
