I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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