we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
