Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
two words...techno handjob
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
