i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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