This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
