haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
