we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
