sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
