Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
