Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
