someone owes me an orgasm
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
