Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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