I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
