how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize