I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
