My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
