I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I think my vagina is haunted
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
