after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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