Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
