I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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