Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize