Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
