also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
