I am in a vortex of obligation.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
