No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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