just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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