Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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