i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
