So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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