So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
