she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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